LIVING AVP PRINCIPLES

After starting this blog as a journal of sorts, it has become a home for unusual stories that beg to be told.

Saturday we ventured by ferry to a Giants game with a dear friend, who for many years gazed out his window at the ferry and dreamed of someday riding it. Our friend (let’s call him John for the sake of this recounting) believes in the importance of having dreams, of envisioning them as a future reality, and of never wavering from the path that will make his dreams come true.

For 29 years our friend dreamed his dream, and on Saturday he was finally able to stand at the railing of the Larkspur Ferry and see his former home from the outside. He waved to the men in the yard who are serving time as he did for 29 years, in San Quentin Prison. It was an emotional moment for him, to say the least.

We first met John fifteen years ago, when we began volunteering in San Quentin. My husband is fond of saying that when we were volunteering in the prison, we were mentoring John, but that now he is mentoring us. John is a role model of someone who has redeemed his life, and not only that, has become an exemplar of how to grab whatever opportunities and tools come his way to improve himself, to be the best person he can be.

In January Tom and I began a course with the Alternatives to Violence Project (www.avpcalifornia.org) to learn all the different forms violence can take in our lives, and how to deal with conflict in a constructive, non-violent way. Since that basic course, we continued with the advanced course, and then trained to be facilitators to bring AVP into prisons, which we have done in Susanville and Solano State Prison.

AVP has much to offer, and I wish here to talk about how our friend John embodied some of AVP’s principles as we rode the ferry back to Larkspur after the Giants game. Incidentally, John took the AVP courses and became a facilitator while in San Quentin. He facilitated AVP workshops in the prison, and now facilitates AVP workshops in the community. He was the lead facilitator on two of the courses we took in Santa Rosa, one good example of how he is now mentoring us.

On the ferry we befriended two women, one a school teacher and the other a psychologist who works for the Veterans Administration. After observing how deeply our friend was moved by seeing San Quentin, the women asked how we (John, Tom and I) met. Soon we were deep in discussion about AVP.

Our conversation meandered, and our new friends mentioned how they had waited on a very long line to enter AT&T Park. As they were about to be waved through the gate, two very large, aggressive women came over and cut in front of them. Our friends told the interlopers that they had been waiting on this line for a very long time. Some of the people behind them also complained. But the two women taking “cuts” were unmoved.

After our new friends related this story, John said that he would have said to the women who cut in line, “Please do go ahead, I don’t mind.” We were amazed! But John said that these women who jumped in front of the line must have had a reason to do that, and that we have no idea what is going on in their lives. Perhaps we could make their lives easier in some way by just letting them go in first. He added that it helps to look for the best in people.

This little vignette is an example of one of AVP’s principles, and that is to always look for the best in people. As our friend spoke, I was stunned that here was an opportunity to live what we have been learning in AVP, and our friend embodied it so magnificently!

The second example I’d like to give is that Tom and I talked to John about how we were considering facilitating in Chowchilla, which is a women’s prison. I’d like go to Chowchilla because that definitely would be going out of my comfort zone, and would be a good opportunity to grow as a facilitator. But I mentioned to John that I have no idea how to act with women prisoners, and that they might see me as a “phony do-gooder.” Once again John’s reply set me back on my heels. He said to expect the women prisoners to see me as a good person who is there to help them, and as someone who sees them as human beings who have a core of goodness inside of them.

Here again, our friend was mentoring us. He was effortlessly living what we’re being taught in AVP, which says among other things to expect the best, to look for the goodness in every person, and to believe in a positive outcome.

At that moment I finally understood what Tom meant when he said that John is now our mentor. He has become our role model, and we are indeed humbled by the sweetness of his spirit. John steps out and lives, not just talks about, what he truly believes.